There’s a world of difference between a narcissist and a person with a healthy ego.

This difference becomes glaringly clear when they don’t get their way.

A narcissist, unlike the rest of us, will not simply accept defeat or compromise. They have their own playbook, and it’s as fascinating as it is chilling.

In this piece, I’m going to break down the 8 things a narcissist will typically do when they don’t get their way.

Get ready to peek behind the curtain of narcissistic behavior – it’s quite an eye-opener.

1) They play the victim

Narcissists have a knack for turning the tables.

When they don’t get their way, they don’t accept it gracefully. Instead, they often resort to acting like the victim.

This strategy serves two purposes. First, it diverts attention away from their own behavior and focuses it on the supposed injustice they’ve suffered.

It’s a way of deflecting blame and avoiding responsibility.

Secondly, playing the victim allows them to garner sympathy and attention, reinforcing their sense of self-importance.

It’s a masterful manipulation tactic, and one that narcissists use frequently. If you’ve ever witnessed this in action, you’ll know just how convincing they can be.

But don’t be fooled. Recognizing this behavior for what it is – a tactic – is the first step in dealing with a narcissist who doesn’t get their way.

2) They resort to gaslighting

Gaslighting is another common tactic narcissists use when they don’t get their way, and it’s one I’ve personally experienced.

I once had a friend who was a narcissist. We’d often have disagreements, like anyone does. But whenever she didn’t get her way, she’d twist the facts.

She’d convince me that I was remembering things wrongly or that I was overreacting.

I remember one instance where we were planning a trip. I wanted to visit a certain city, but she was adamant about another one.

When I insisted, she started telling me that I’d agreed to her choice earlier and that I was now going back on my word.

It took me a while to realize what she was doing – gaslighting me.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist makes you doubt your own perception, memory or sanity.

They do this to regain control and make you more vulnerable to their demands.

It’s a devious tactic and can be very damaging. It’s crucial to recognize it when it happens and stand your ground.

3) They dish out the silent treatment

Communication is key in any relationship. But when a narcissist doesn’t get their way, they often resort to using one of the most potent weapons in their arsenal – the silent treatment.

This isn’t your garden-variety silence where someone needs some space or time to collect their thoughts.

It’s a calculated, punitive silence designed to control and manipulate.

The narcissist uses this silence to send a clear message: “You’ve upset me, and now you’re going to pay.”

People who frequently give the silent treatment have often experienced emotional neglect in their childhood.

This neglect can lead to difficulties in expressing emotions and dealing with conflict as adults.

The silent treatment can be incredibly damaging, both emotionally and psychologically. It’s crucial to recognize it as a form of manipulation and not as a reflection of your worth or actions.

4) They become overly critical

When a narcissist doesn’t get their way, their response often involves launching an offensive. This typically takes the form of criticism.

In this scenario, they will find fault with everything you do, nitpicking and criticizing even the most minor details. The goal is to make you feel small, insecure, and inadequate.

This behavior isn’t about providing constructive feedback or helping you improve.

It’s about power and control. By undermining your confidence and self-esteem, the narcissist hopes to gain the upper hand.

In dealing with this, it’s important to remember that their criticisms are more reflective of their own insecurities than of your shortcomings.

Don’t let their harsh words define your self-worth or dictate your actions.

5) They use emotional blackmail

When a narcissist doesn’t get their way, they don’t shy away from using emotional blackmail. It’s a desperate, often effective technique to regain control.

Emotional blackmail can be subtle or overt, but the end goal is always the same: to manipulate you into feeling guilty, obligated, or fearful so that you’ll give in to their demands.

I’ve seen this play out time and again, and it’s truly heartbreaking.

Narcissists are capable of using your deepest feelings, fears, and insecurities against you.

They know how much you care and they exploit it.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of emotional blackmail, remember this: Your feelings matter. Your boundaries are important.

Stand firm. It’s not selfish to put your well-being first; it’s necessary.

6) They threaten to end the relationship

One of the most stressful experiences with a narcissist is when they threaten to end the relationship.

I remember a time when a close friend, who was a narcissist, would often use this tactic whenever we had disagreements.

If things didn’t go her way, she’d immediately throw out threats of ending our friendship.

It was her way of getting what she wanted; she knew I valued our friendship and didn’t want to lose it.

The threat of abandonment is a powerful manipulation tool. It preys on your fear of losing the relationship, causing you to give in to their demands just to keep them around.

It’s important to remember that a healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and understanding, not threats and coercion.

If someone consistently threatens to leave every time they don’t get their way, you might want to reconsider whether that relationship is beneficial for your emotional health.

7) They project their feelings onto you

Projection is a common tactic narcissists use when they don’t get their way.

In essence, they throw their emotions and reactions onto you, blaming you for their feelings of frustration or disappointment.

It’s a way of passing the buck, so to speak. They can’t handle the discomfort of not getting what they want, so they make it your problem.

They accuse you of being selfish, unreasonable, or stubborn – all because you didn’t cater to their demands.

In these moments, it’s key to remember that you’re not responsible for someone else’s emotions.

A narcissist’s projections are about their own inability to cope with disappointment, not about your actions or character.

8) They resort to smear campaigns

When a narcissist doesn’t get their way, they may go to extreme lengths to retaliate, including launching a smear campaign.

A smear campaign is a calculated attempt to tarnish your reputation by spreading false or exaggerated information about you.

They might share damaging stories, half-truths, or outright lies about you to friends, family, or coworkers.

Why? To isolate you and gain control.

If others start doubting your character or intentions, the narcissist can step in as the ‘savior’ or ‘victim’, thereby regaining their position of power.

This tactic is one of the most destructive in a narcissist’s arsenal. It’s important to remember that your worth is not defined by their lies.

Surround yourself with supportive, understanding people who know your true character.

As tough as it is, try not to let their deceitful tactics shake your confidence or peace of mind.

Final thought: It’s about control

The actions and behaviors of a narcissist, particularly when they don’t get their way, all stem from one core need – the need for control.

This incessant need to be in control, to dictate situations and relationships, is deeply entrenched in their psyche. It’s not something that can be easily changed or managed.

Understanding this is important, not just for dealing with narcissists, but also for maintaining your own mental and emotional well-being.

When you encounter these behaviors – the blame-shifting, the gaslighting, the emotional blackmail – remember that it’s not about you. It’s about their need for control.

You are not responsible for their actions or feelings.

In the face of such manipulation, it’s vital to stand firm in your truth.

Recognize these behaviors for what they are and maintain your boundaries. Your worth is not defined by their actions or words.

Navigating relationships with narcissists can be challenging and draining.

But understanding their behaviors can empower you to deal with them more effectively and safeguard your own emotional well-being.

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